I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude i'm inner monologue high
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
