Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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