Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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