yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
