She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
