i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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