hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
