Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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