I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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