so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
