i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
