She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
