I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
