I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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