when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
