Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
