So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
