so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
