Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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