We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
