He asked to "fluff my boner.."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
