So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
