I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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