Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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