dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
