I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I intend to get homeless drunk
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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