The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
