Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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