I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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