Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
