i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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