just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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