did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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