I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You did what with his pubic hair?
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