yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Never joke about your clitoris.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize