i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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