I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
