i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
