I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
