i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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