I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
