Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
