you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
