I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
