Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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