If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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