She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
