please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
