All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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