the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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