Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
