i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
