I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
