Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize