fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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