Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We got so high we made milksteak
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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