Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
