I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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