I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
