If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
