You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
a search helicopter?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
