ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize