no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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