An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
