she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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