my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
