About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She told me I should be a condom model.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
