i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
