i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she told me i tasted like america
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
