I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
