Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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