Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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